Last year I chose a phrase to try and live out as a sort of goal or mantra for myself. Choose joy. After Josiah died I found that it was much easier to keep myself super busy. Occupy my time fully, downtime was the enemy so to speak. For the most part, it worked. on the one hand being busy constantly though does not allow much time for sadness to drift in. On the other hand it didn't allow for much joy either. I found myself going through the days in a pretty contented manner, but inside something lacked.
I hadn't noticed just how far my heart had drifted.
At the beginning of March we closed our resale shop and the kids and I are home full time again. During one of the first weeks I posted a picture to Facebook of my kids surrounding the dining room table doing their schoolwork. I sat at the end of the table with tears in my eyes.....feeling complete joy. Joy that I hadn't felt in a long, long time.
I think that having the store and being so busy was a good thing for me for the time. ...now though,...
Being home is good. Really good.
